Where did you go Saturday? Oh yeah.... I slept away my Saturday.
This post is inspired by my fellow blogging friend Brandi, she always blogs about the most interesting things and I'm feeling very inspired!
The past couple of weeks have been to say the least...weird. Today it kind of all exploded like a volcano....on my mom. Anyone who knows me, knows the relationship I have with my mom, and I don't want to air my dirty laundry on a blog but my mom and I definitely don't have a mommy-daughter relationship. We have never seen eye to eye or really gotten along. I recently moved home to pay off my credit cards and I had the idea in the back of my mind that maybe we could mend our relationship, but it's been the opposite of that actually.
When I moved in there were "rules" that I had to abide by in order to live here, and I have been trying my hardest to keep the peace and to not "rock the boat."
I've been feeling a little bit down on myself for a few weeks now and haven't really talked to her much, but after laying in bed all day she finally asked me what's wrong. I told her that I'm just depressed that I have no friends, a stressful job, and just feel a little lost. She actually made me feel worse, saying how long she has tried to help me and that she is done trying, and that I am the only one that can change it, I just need to come up with a plan and that I have been feeling this way for years, and that I need to pull out of it. I was even more angry than I had been before that so I went upstairs...and made the mistake of....slamming my door, yes pathetic I know. Some words were exchanged about not putting up with that, and my things being out in the front yard if I did it again.
I am so frustrated because I have not ONE person to turn to when things like this happen and maybe it's because no one is as miserable as me. Everyone around me is so focused on themselves and there lives they don't give a crap about me, there words are usually something along the lines of being so much worse than my situation and they kind of just forget that I am upset about something. I want someone to listen to me... is that to much to ask? I have no best friend, no friend, no mom or dad to listen to me.... and I don't know what the hell to do.
I will write more tomorrow... I have so many things going through my mind that I really don't even know where to begin...
Alright, I'm commenting on here, even though we are talking on fb, because I don't want certain people to see lol. But HOLY CRAP! Are we like mentally linked or something? Haha, I can totally relate to what you're going through. After Tessla and I had our falling out, I was like ok, whatever, Ill live lol. Then this whole pregnancy shit came about and I had to get out of my apt, which consequently, somehow, managed to ruin my relationship with my roommate, who, other than Tessla was my best friend. So here I am, stuck with no good friends. Ive got those people I see around, and talk to every once in a while, but other than that, nope. I can't say I'm entirely in the place that you are, because, thankfully, I do have Nick, and luckily, my mom and I have mended our relationship, which was once very rocky (she kicked me out) lol. The only words of advice I have, as cheesy as it sounds, is just to do what makes you happy. Fuck everyone else, do things for you. Pay off those Credit cards, or go on a shopping spree, whatever, get a new job if that will make you happy! Just know that you're not alone, even if you feel that way, and your mom really will love you no matter how bad things get :)
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