Happy Easter everyone!
I've been struggling lately....Mostly with my family issues, it's nothing new and i'd like to say that I hate writing this blog to complain about my problems but this is a blog..and I decided to get it so I could talk about my feelings because I have a lot of them! Sorry if I offend anyone!
People that are close to me know that my mom and I have a rather difficult and weird relationship. When I moved home, I thought that it would actually make our relationship better but it's made it worse in a lot of ways. Moving out in 5 months doesn't seem like it's coming very fast at all! My dad lost his job a few months ago, my mom works a lot of hours at a job that's very stressful, and my dad is struggling with being home all day, with nothing to do. My dad and I had became very close when I moved out, we would go out to lunch or he'd call me just to talk. Unfortunately now, he barely speaks to me, it consists of a good morning, and bye have a good day, sometimes it's less than that. It hurts me to see him so upset and depressed, but I don't blame him but I've learned that everyday you should find little pieces of happiness no matter what it might be. I wish I could help him but I'm just at a loss for words.
Now I know this blog is public and I know someone in my family will read it but honestly I don't care at all, this is how I feel and if you don't like it..then well too bad.
My mom on the other hand, I've always felt as though nothing has ever been good enough for her, if I got a B in school, she wanted an A. I'm working full time making good money, but I should be in school. I had a boyfriend, she didn't like him, in the end we broke up. I'm single now, but I shouldn't be talking to this guy because I left him in my "past." I could go on and on about things in our relationship that aren't right at all, things that shouldn't be consider a "good" mother daughter relationship. It has basically boiled down to I walk on egg shells when I'm at home, my dad never sticks up for me even if my mom is out of line, and if my mom is mad at me, my dad is too even if it's something that's not even related to my dad and I. Things are so one-sided lately, I'm not allowed to drink coffee in my room or have a cup of water on my dresser, yet she can throw my upopened mail in my damn sink? And ignore me when I'm talking to her? Things will always be my fault, I will always break the silence with an apology because honestly, it's just easier to say sorry to her because she will not apoligize, she could go weeks without speaking to me.
I'm a good person, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I have a good job, I don't stay out late. I might be feisty and say what I feel, and a little bitchy at times but that's who I am, I haven't changed for anyone and I'm sure as hell not going to change for her. I have no idea what to do, no idea where to take this...go the next 5 months without speaking to her??
We will get along someday.....or maybe we won't? But honestly, I don't really care at this point... It is what it is.
